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Getting Comfortable with Yourself

Far and away, the greatest obstacle to finding, creating and sustaining professional relationships with others is our discomfort with ourselves. We spend so much time worrying about what the other person thinks of us that we forget to be present in the relationship. That sounds horribly warm and fuzzy, I know, but the truth is that all the bells and whistles of marketing and all the business development training in the world can’t help you get comfy with you.

Think of the all the good business developers you know. They are almost annoyingly comfortable in their own skins. They don't appear to worry too much about what others are thinking about them; they don't seem concerned about what will happen if they make a mistake. They just don't fret as much as the rest of us. We mere mortals envy that, don’t we?

In my many conversations with successful business developers, I have learned something important: these people have the same insecurities as the rest of us. They don’t consider themselves the best or brightest; they don’t always feel lovely/handsome/glib/well-dressed; and they certainly don’t think they are better than anyone else.

The good business developers, however, do know something we don’t: they know how to accept themselves, warts and all. I believe this is the key to their ability to develop relationships. Because they accept themselves, they have a certain level of comfort; they exude this comfort when dealings with others. People feel that and it helps them get comfortable, too. And, voila: a relationship begins to build.

Instead of envying the externalities of the successful business developers in your firm, starting working on getting comfortable in your own skin so other people can be comfortable around you. You will be on your way to happy and profitable professional relationships.

© Melinda Guillemette 2009